Story 93

"The Wal-Mart-Cat Piss-Burger King-Trip from HELL!!!" Ok so we were sitting in our friends truck and playing with his CB and we live in a little hick town called North Branch, MN, which is 40 miles from civilization, so as you can expect, we don't have much to do, except trip butternuts. So here sits two "innocent" girls who get fucked up just about every day, but one day particularly sticks out in our minds. Well, lets see here. It was a cold march night....well actually I think it might have been October but these past few months have all been a blurr, and were sittin there blazed out of our gourds and I turn to my dear buddy, whom we'll call "Claudia" and ohmigod her head was spinning exuberantly out of control. All of a sudden, it stops and as I look at her, she has dissipated and was put somehow into a comic strip and I told her this and she looked at me as if I was dumb and we started laughing and continued to for a good portion of the evening. We thought this was extremely cool so we stole the truck and went to my grandma's house. I don't remember exactly what we were thinking or doing, but for some strange reason, I thought my gramma had an amp and I wanted it because I had this crazed idea I wanted to be the lead singer in my friends' band. So we were there, just absolutely out of our minds, and my friend "Claudia" went into the bathroom. The lights were off, so she figured it was empty and she walked in, but my grandma was sitting on the pot with her pants around her ankles and the only think she can say is "Oh, dear!" "Claudia" practically screamed in disgust, turned, and fled out the door, snatching some freshly baked cookies on her way out. I said bye, went outside, went back to the house where the band practice had been taking place, laughing all the way. We didn't realize it until later, but we no longer had the truck, we had accidentally took Granny's jeep but oh well. I stole my kitten Oscar and we went into Burger King with him. We had smoked a lot of reef in gramma's jeep and the cat was extremely stoned. We snuck him into Burger King and ordered him a hamburger and all of a sudden he nonchalantly pissed in My pants pocket. I didn't notice. I turned to "Claudia" and said "What the fuck is that god awful smell?" and she replies, well, what do you expect? We're in Burger King, and she looks down and says oh my god, what the hell? And I looked just in time to watch my pants get saturated with cat piss. We looked at each other and just exploded with laughter. We stayed there, and got his hamburger and we're walking back to the jeep and people are talking and scoffing about us. What a sight (and smell) we must have been! We decided then to go to wal-mart; we'd get granny's jeep back sooner or later, probably when our friend realized his truck was missing. Well, to make an already long story as short as possible, we lost Oscar in wal-mart. I smelled like pee, so I found a pair of pants to "try" on, went into the dressing room and left my pissy ones there. I had forgotten about the cat! I walked out, and I heard a shriek and saw a white (with purple stripes, but that's another story) ball of fluff dart across an aisle. I followed it, getting pretty freaked out. "Claudia" is walking up to people she doesn't know and saying "I want to have your fat Jamaican babies" and I am scared pretty bad. I said, "Wow, I am trippin balls RIGHT now" and some old woman just looked at me. I finally found the cat, literally in a pile of his own piss and puke, in McDonalds in Cambridge wal-mart next to something I think was a chicken mcnugget. We took him home (hell, I got new pants out of the deal) and smoked up again on the way. We brought kitty home and brought the jeep back, totally forgetting about the smell and we got the dudes truck back to him and eventually retired back to our houses. The funny thing about all this is a) it only took place over the course of like 2 hours, b) neither one of us had our licenses and c) neither one of us remembered this the next morning. It was an eventful evening. yay us!!!